October 9, 2011

Douching It Up: How I Keep My Apartment Clean

Have you ever heard the saying "cleanliness is next to godliness?"

I like this saying because I happen to ascribe a lot of value to keeping things nice and tidy. Unfortunately, my two roommates are not as inclined toward cleanliness as I am, and I find myself occasionally miffed by their failure to perform basic tasks like cleaning dishes or throwing out their trash.

Naturally, I have found that the most effective remedy for this issue is to leave a large quantity of douchey, passive-aggressive notes all over the apartment:

An optimist would say this glass is half full. I say someone needs to clean up their shit.
I am a bagel. Eat me or throw me away!
Dried pasta is only good for arts and crafts.
Place trash here:

Given enough time, evaporation will finish your drinks for you...but it sure as hell won't wash your dishes.

I would like to thank Shakespeare for this last one:

(I am deeply sorry for breaking iambic pentameter.)

2012 UPDATE:

Looks clean to me!

My roommate left this chicken breast in our fridge for about a month:

Rotting chicken in the fridge!

Do your dishes, I want to eat my cereal.